I had intended to write a series of posts on Wading Into the Unknown (Death, Dying and the Legal System) – however, I’m changing my focus a little bit. Much of what I had thought about writing was too personal.  Therefore, I’ll dispense with that and give some things that I’ve learned as I dealt with my mother’s health crisis, death and all that stuff that comes afterwards.

1. Make sure your loved one (parent, in-laws, grandparents, spouse) has a LEGAL will.  Not a form book they have filled out.  Not something they’ve written.  Not something they’ve videotaped.  They need to see an attorney and have one drawn up!  And if you haven’t done this yet – let your fingers do the walking TODAY!
2. Do NOT under any circumstances make the beneficiaries of your life insurance policies – your estate!  This complicates things like you would not believe!  Make sure your loved one has listed their spouse, surviving children or grandchildren, just SOMEONE!
3. And if you really want to make sure your loved one’s estate (or your’s) stays out of probate – make sure all property (real estate, property, cars, etc.) is Transferred On Death.  Bank accounts should be Paid On Death.  If not – the whole world can find out how much you (or your loved one) was worth at death.  Probate records are open to the public.
4. Have your loved one make a list of items in their home along with who they are to go to.  Do not under any circumstances write something like “if they don’t want it, sell it.”  (If you do #1 this will not happen – however, if you don’t want Brother A to get the antique toy truck and you want it to go to your grandson – you better put it in writing.)
5. And for this – I’m talking directly to you – start cleaning out all that “stuff” you’ve been keeping.  Do you use it?  Have you used it recently (like the last 6 months – 1 year)?  Does it still have a use?  Does anyone want it?  Each time something comes in – something must go out.
6. Keep items that go together – together!  It is very frustrating to clean out one room and either trash an object or send to charity only to find several days later in another room a part that went with Object #1! 
7. If you do #1 – have an attorney draw up a legal will – make sure that you (or your loved one) makes it clear who the executor (or executrix – if it’s a woman) is and that they do not have to post a bond.
8. Review and update your will as situations change – you sell your home, you add or subtract insurance policies, etc.
9. Keep ALL important documents – insurance policy numbers, safe deposit box information, bank account information in a safe location – at least all in one location – along with where the actual policies are. Do not put one thing here, the other in a another closet, etc.  Make it very clear if a policy is still in force or if that annuity is still active.
10. Ask – or write down – final wishes.  Just because you’ve mentioned it (or heard it from loved ones) in passing, doesn’t mean it will be remembered or executed.  Where exactly will the final resting place be? 

Yes, these are difficult things to do or talk about.  Some people are afraid if they bring it up to their parents, it will appear as if they are greedy or fishing for how much money or possessions they will receive.  Alleviate that concern by letting your loved one know that you don’t need to know that information – just that it’s done.  Explain the ramifications if these items above aren’t taken care of.

1. The estate will go to Probate
2. The person who they expect to execute the estate probably will not be appointed unless they happen to live right there. (Some states will not allow an out-of-state resident to execute the estate).
3. All tangible and intangible possessions and property will be appraised and sold in order to pay off debts, the attorney, the administrator, and then dispersed to the family – the way the law of the state requires.
4. Arguments can ensue over who should get the china, the linens, the silver, or even that dusty old statue that has sat on top of the buffet forever.

I hope some of these suggestions have helped – or at least begin a conversation.

The marker for my maternal grandparents – Glen and Vesta Johnson.  They are at rest at Glen Haven Memorial Gardens, New Carlisle, Clark County, Ohio.  I took this picture on May 13, 2009 after my mother’s graveside service.  It had rained on and off that morning – so the dark spots on the marker is rainwater.  The inscription reads:

   Vesta C.                                              Glen R.
1898-1984                                       1898-1985

                      Together Forever

                             JOHNSON

The symbols are for Eastern Star and the Masons.

They are buried in the Veterans area.

At the edges of the family plot are markers with the initial “J”.

Next to my grandparents is their baby daughter, Lois Evelyn, who died at 6 weeks of age – due to being premature and not being able to gain weight.

Also buried in the family plot are my mother’s brother and his wife.  The picture below is of my grandparents’ marker after I put flowers in their vase.

Rest in peace, my family.

Just hearing her name causes some in the genealogy, photography and history circles to say “oooh!”  Maureen Taylor, aka the Photo Detective, has appeared on The Today Show and RootsTV. She’s a photo curator and an expert in photo preservation and identification.

How many of us “regular” folks have come across a photographic mystery while exploring attics, basements, and other areas our family has kept photos?

While I was in Ohio, I came across a group of photographs that can only be described as big.  These are remarkable enlargements for the time.  One is poster size and is a photo of my grandfather and his family.  I’m interested to find out if this enlargement was made in more recent history as my grandfather looked to be about 10 – making the date of the photo about 1908.  Included in this stack were photos that actually looked more like charcoal drawings.  Are these really originals or photos of drawings?  They are on thick stock.

Needless to say, these photographs are much too large for me to scan. I will have to actually take a digital photo of them in order to post them.  For the age of these pictures – they are in pretty good shape. 

I’d love to pull out these pictures and see Maureen’s expression.  Would she be as excited as I was to see them?  What type of storage should I place these precious heirlooms in so that they will survive?  What can she tell me about the history of these enlargements?

I guess for now I’ll have to keep reading the Photo Detective Blog, her articles in genealogy magazines, her books, and wondering if someday I’ll be as lucky as some of my geneablogger friends who actually got to meet and talk with her at the Southern California Jamboree!

I’m taking a break from writing – or thinking – about the series of articles I want to post concerning Death, Dying and Wading into the Legal System. There are other things to write about for the time being.

New Geneablogger stuff – I guess I’m a little behind the times (please read: too busy dealing with personal issues) to realize that Thomas MacEntee of Destination: Austin Family (and other great blogs) fame, has been hard at work on the GeneaBloggers blog/website. There’s a wealth of great information and a list of ALL of the Geneabloggers! It’s been around for several months so if you’ve been a little busy or preoccupied (like me!) – go check it out and bookmark it! I think it’s great that each week, new geneablogs are mentioned.

There’s also a new Social Networking site “just for genealogists” – GenealogyWise. Several of the geneabloggers have hopped on the new bandwagon in town – so far not many have abandoned Facebook. Are you on GenealogyWise? I haven’t signed up yet. For the time being, I have way too much on my plate to try to keep up with another network! Perhaps sometime in the future.

Another item I wanted to mention was the recent SoCal Jamboree that was attended by many of the geneabloggers – especially those who live in the Southern California region.  To read more about this event (sounds like it was quite a party!) – head over to Southern California Genealogical Society 40th Annual Jamboree. Then check other geneabloggers postings to read about all the good stuff they learned, the new friends they made, how they met their “idol”, and see all the great photos! I’ve enjoyed the Jamboree vicariously – since I’m not in Southern California and not able to participate in person!

Elyse Doerflinger has pondered why Genealogy Societies Need to Look Torward the Future over at Elyse’s Genealogy Blog. Wonderful content and she’s received tons of comments! Have I mentioned that Elyse is one of our “younger” sisters in the geneablogger world? She has an excellent perspective on so many issues!

Don’t forget to participate in several of the upcoming Carnivals and prompts! If you have writer’s block – or just keep bumping into that genealogical brick wall and need a break – these are wonderful ways to get inspired.

Over the last several months, I’ve found myself in a similar position as that of my ancestors prior to me.  The reality that a loved one’s life will be ending.  Of course we all know that death will be the final outcome for all of us and for all of those we love, and when it is an expected death, we generally have the knowledge we can say our good-byes and have one last visit.  The expectation is still very difficult to face as we begin to second guess the doctors’ treatments, the guilt of not being there more often, or for not having more control over everything.

Guilt usually plays a larger part than we like to think it does.  Should I have called more?  Should I have tried to visit more often?  Should I have made sure all the final arrangements were made?  Should I have made sure all the legalities were addressed?  How long do the questions continue?  For what length of time should I dwell on the negative?

Not wanting to seem unfeeling or cold or that it didn’t matter, I had to put the guilt aside almost immediately after my mother’s death.  I chose to live 900 miles away.  I did call every day.  I couldn’t have taken a more active role in her health care unless I had lived closer.  Now, the legal stuff – well that’s another question altogether.

Thanks to my sister (especially), my mother was able to die at home – just where she wanted to be.  She did not linger on for days and days – something she truly did not want.  She had her family at her side – obviously what she wanted.  And she wasn’t in any pain and was very peaceful – something she had hoped.

Knowing death is imminent and being there when it happens, is two very different things.  However, we were able to rejoice that she was no longer suffering; no longer fighting to hang on to life where the quality had decreased; no longer frightened of death.  As Christians, we know she is with our Lord and Savior, and is now one of our many Guardian Angels who has gone on before us.

I have extended my sympathies to others who have lost a parent.  I have dealt with the loss of a sibling.  Yet, until the loss of a parent happens to you, there is no amount of empathy you can have – because you have not felt that pain or loss.  It has been almost two months since my mother passed away.  I miss talking to her each day.  I want to tell her about my daughter’s new home, the heat we are experiencing, or how ridiculous I’m discovering the legal system can be – but I can’t do that in person anymore.  I really am okay – even though some have told me that I’m not okay.  I know where Mom has gone, and I know she is with me each day.  I know she’s in a much better place.  Will I miss her for the rest of my life?  Of course I will.  But being okay is what she would have wanted for her family.

I owe my mother thanks for the courage I have found in the face of her death.  Due to the strength she had modeled for me amidst the storms life had thrown at her over her lifetime, I found my own strength to prepare for and move forward at the time of this crisis.

Coming: The Journey (Part 2)

As most of you have learned, I recently returned home after being away for over a month.  I had gone to Ohio for a week over Easter while my mother was in the hospital and returned the end of April just before she passed away.  I spent most of May cleaning out her home and trying to make sense of what she had kept for so many years.

I wrote many months ago about some of the treasures I had come across early in my genealogy quest – letters my grandparents wrote to each other, old photos, and more.  And I incorrectly assumed there wouldn’t be much more to add – boy was I wrong!

Not only did I find more old photos, but I found my grandparents’ framed marriage certificate that had hung on their bedroom wall most of my growing up years, as well as marriage certificates of my great-grandparents!  It will take me quite a while to go through all the documents I discovered not to mention the hours of scanning that will be involved.

First, I must clean out my own clutter.  I’ve made a head start on that – but have much more to do before I feel that I’ve accomplished the goals I’ve set for myself.  And due to that reason, I’ll be slow to post some of my exciting finds.

I also want to write a multi-part post about my recent experiences as I navigated the whole death, dying, saying good-bye, final preparations, and the Ohio legal system.  Stay tuned – and thanks for sticking around!

Thanks to all my Faithful Readers who have continued to check in regularly on this blog.  I’ve been out of state for a month and a half dealing with my mother’s recent death and taking care of things.  It will be awhile before I get back to posting regularly but I wanted to let you all know where I’ve been. 

And to all the “newbie” readers who have found my blog in the last month or so  – thanks for the comments!

This is a list of my ancestors who immigrated to America.

Adam Goul: My 4th g-grandfather.  About 1763 from Germany to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.  Adam was a young boy traveling onboard ship with his mother, father – Frederick, and a sister.  All but Adam died on the voyage.

Adam Lutz: My 5th g-grandfather.  (father-in-law of Adam Goul) about 1749 from Rotterdam on the Lydia.  (source: Pennsylvania Genealogical Magazine, Baptisms from the Church Book of German Reformed Church of Philadelphia)

Jacob Blazer (or Blaser): My 5th g-grandfather.  Came from Baden (German) via Holland late 1700s and settled in the Shenandoah Valley.  Traveled to Gallia County, Ohio and settled there by 1803. (source: Blazer Family History, credited to Dan Blazer and Aileen Blazer Rush – no date given)

James Arbuckle: My 6th g-grandfather.  Born Glasgow, Scotland and died in Virginia.  (source: Jacqueline Ann Richardson – no supporting documentation)

John Madison: My 9th g-grandfather. Born in England about 1620, died in Virginia.  (source: Kenneth Soper – no supporting documentation)

Johannes Kohler (Caylor): My 4th g-grandfather.  Born in Germany in mid 1700s, immigrated to Philadelphia on ship Britannia in August 1767. (source: paper sent by Ann Hastings from a paper received by Dr. Truman Caylor in a letter to Evelyn Caylor from a church paper.)

Johannes Kuntzi: My 6th g-grandfather.  Surname later changed to Kinsey.  Born in Switzerland about 1724 and died about 1761 in Berks County, Pennsylvania.  (source: Robert Mark Sharp “The Kinsey Family”)

Hans Peter Wampler: My 6th g-grandfather.  Born about 1722 in France and died in Frederick County, Maryland.  Lived in Schuykill County, Pennsylvania by Sep 1743 when he married Anna Maria Brenneissen (also born in Germany). (source: World Family Tree – no supporting documentation)

John Miller: My 6th g-grandfather.  Born in France in 1724 and was in Somerset County, Pennsylvania by Jan 1848 when he married Magdalena Lehman. (source: Rose Patrick – no supporting documentation)

Christian Yoder: My 6th g-grandfather.  Born in Bern, Switzerland in 1722 and was in Berks County, PA. by 1752.  (source: Greg Raven, Blickensderfer and related families – no supporting documentation)

Barbara Beiler: (Christian Yoder’s wife) My 6th g-grandmother.  Also born in Bern, Switzerland about 1723. (source: Rose Patrick – no supporting documentation)

Unknown Amore: My 3rd g-grandfather.  Born in England and was in New York by 1828 when my 2nd g-grandfather, William Amore, was born.  (source: 1880 US Census, Franklin County, Coshocton County, Ohio, Enumeration District No. 45 – William Amore lists his father’s birthplace as England)

Peter Werts: My 5th g-grandfather.  Born 1737 probably in Germany and married in 1758 in Maryland. 

Rosina Feurstein: My 5th g-grandmother.  Baptised in a Alsace, France and was married by 1768 in Maryland. Immigrated with her parents, Nicholas & Anna Catherina (Nonnenmacher) on the ship “Peggy”, captained by James Abercombie, Master.  Arrived in Philadelphia from Rotterdam (where they left after fleeing Alsace) on September 24, 1753.  (source: The Firestone Family History and German Pioneers to America, Passenger Listss)

Benjamin Maple: My 7th g-grandfather.  Immigrated from Ipswich, England in 1864 on the ship “Friendship”.  Ended up in Barbados as an indentured servant for four years.  Afterwards, he went to New Jersey.  This man and none of his descendents ever owned slaves. (source: Mark Freeman, Mostly Southern, no supporting documentation)

Those individuals that I have no supporting documentation for will have to be researched further until evidence is found of their immigration, marriages, deaths, etc.

In honor of my aunt’s upcoming birthday, I wanted to pay her a tribute.  My dad’s sister will be celebrating her 100th birthday soon!  Since she is still living I won’t post many vitals in order to maintain some privacy. 

I haven’t seen her since the early 1970’s yet she was a constant in my life as a young child.  She was my favorite aunt – being as I only knew two out of three of my aunts.  My mother’s sister had passed away a few years before I was born, and my dad’s oldest sister just seemed “older”.  Aunt “M” was always giving puppet shows to the kids during family reunions and get-togethers.  She seemed to really enjoy the young ones.  Not only did she visit us when there wasn’t a reunion to attend, but we went to visit her in Pennsylvania once.  One of my daughters’ middle name is in honor of her.

Aunt “M” was very active in the Salvation Army and attended the college in New York as a young woman.  She rose to the rank of Major as time progressed. 

When I began this genealogy quest ten years ago, she was one of the first relatives to respond to my many questions and letters.  She even called several times – to a niece that she hadn’t seen in many, many years.  I still keep in contact with her daughter through email and Christmas cards and get updates on Aunt “M”. 

Happy Birthday! 

So who is your oldest living relative?

During my most recent visit to Ohio, I came across some old address books.  One appeared to have belonged to my mother from eons ago and the other was my grandparents’ that she kept after they passed away. 

I learned a few things by thumbing through the pages of these books.  The first was that my grandfather was a very meticulous person.  He actually typed up addresses and pasted them in at the correct spots alphabetically.  When someone died, he would cross out their name and mark “Decased” along with a date.  That only helps me when it was a relative yet it gets me wondering how my grandparents felt each time a long-time friend or a relative died.  There it was in black and white (and sometimes red pencil) – subtracting each friend from their life – through the pages of an address book.

Another thing I learned was that my grandfather actually had addresses for relatives I wasn’t sure he had ever met.  I was unsure if he had met his Aunt Rachel’s family until I saw names and addresses listed.  At the very least they corresponded once a year with a Christmas card. 

My mother’s old address book was a little different.  Not many addresses were marked through with “Deceased” but because of the person moving to a new residence.  That was a big difference between the two books.  Most of the people my grandparents knew stayed in the same place and the only changes were either closer to a child or to a nursing home as they aged or to sunny places such as Florida, California or Arizona.  The people my mother tracked moved due to military service, new job offers, a change of scenery, etc. 

Isn’t it amazing what a few pages from address books can tell you?  Not only about the people written in the pages but the person who kept up with it?